I realized this past Sunday that pinball machine art parallels comic art so far as a certain kind of, oh, liberty taken with the depiction of the female form. I started with the picture in the last slide, and from there, I went to full-on demented documentarian mode.

At one point, having watched me walk from machine to machine, taking very precise, very close pictures of most of them, a man asked me what I was up to. “Oh,” I said, “I just enjoy the art of it.”

Not untrue.

Welcome to Deviation Obligatoire's exploration of Boobs in Pinball. I can't think of anyone better to welcome you than the Mistress of the Dark herself. Have you ever thought about what her head is shaped like under there, considering that front-and-center part? I didn't until I was taking this picture. Now you can too. Fun fact: there are multiple Elvira-themed pinball machines. I love earth sometimes.

My spirit animal for this undertaking. From basically the Bechdel Test of pinball machines.

Seriously, her posture, it's just killing me. It's like if Ghost World was a little kinder and set about 30 years earlier. Take a good look at this one. It's the last stop in Logical-Cleavage-Ville on this tour.

Even this poor, daffy lady whose head is being devoured by her novelty hat had to get out the full cleavage here. Come on.

I can't stop thinking of Doctor Girlfriend and, well, the gif at the link.

This is from the backglass of The Champion Pub, my favorite pinball machine these days. You "punch" a bag, you fight a mustachioed dude in an A-shirt, you jump rope with the pinball, and you hit the speedbag. Clever and creative. Oh, and boobs.

Also from The Champion Pub.

"Hm, what is this suggestive shadow in the center of a seemingly convex shape?"

A noble attempt at draping.

I think this is the kind of art that results from not breastfeeding your children. This kind of early denial can result in a lifelong ignorance of certain basic facts. Learning windows, people.

The Seattle Pinball Museum only has the backglass for this one, but good Lady Internet tells me that it is indeed a fully functioning machine, and an art project at that. Even so, I have spent too much time working at terrible tourist t-shirt shops to be able to appreciate this kind of terrible punnery. You leave sweet, innocent watermelons out of this, artists.

In this one, the Bride of Frankenstein appears in her now-traditional straight-white-sheet ensemble throughout all the art - except when they chance to go 3D. or 3DDD, if you know what I mean, ha-cha-cha... ahem.

Boobwater is refreshing AND hilarious, eh, Muscles?

Oh, god, no, throw it back.

From NBA Fastbreak, my other favorite pinball machine. Shoot baskets behind the backglass, pass back and forth - it's a clever one. And there's just a little dash of T, minus the A, down by the flippers.

Imagine how horrified she'd be if her dress weren't glued to her boobs.

"We had to interrupt our key party to form this mob!"

And here we have the appearance of a kind of over-aerobicized 70s/80s look. Pinball art is even more concentrated and niche than comics art (although I'm pretty certain there's a shit-ton of artist overlap, if you go looking). But there's a glimpse of something weird and personal in some of these. And the distinct aesthetic on this machine makes me feel like that's what I'm looking at.

Either that star bikini is custom made, or she's a nipple-placement model for the swimwear industry.

Not sure if joy, terror, or about to unhinge to devour.

Again with the areola shadows.

She's so happy! And cold! And, like her gentleman friend, subject to piercing certain vital viscera should they try to sit down!

Not the best picture, but the very subtle composition of overlapping spheres was too fine to omit.

I feel like this is some kind of horrible side adventure cut from Preacher for the sin of being too fucked up. This one's beautifully drawn, though, and her ring is killer.

Not bad in a pointy-1950s-hooters kind of way. But wait...

GACK!!!

I can't deal with robots with tits. I just can't. There's an awful one that I've shuddered at for years, but Googling "sexy robot pinball" is as far as I'm willing to go down that rabbithole. I'll take a picture next time I'm at Shorty's. Robots with tits, no no no.

"We are sacrificing our finest beaded nipple patches to appease the gods this day. May they be just and merciful. And just barely rated PG-13."

And, finally, the one that started it all. I first saw Captain Fantastic at Add-a-Ball in Fremont last year, and I told my friend, "I hold signs like this ALL THE TIME. It's just so STABLE and PRACTICAL." And, when I saw our busty friend here again at the Seattle Pinball Museum, I knew what I had to do. So there you go. Pretty much every depiction of boobs in the Seattle Pinball Museum on September 15, 2013. You're welcome, America.

There are two ways to enjoy pinball in Seattle, because we truly live on god-kissed earth.

Want it buffet-style? Go to the Seattle Pinball Museum. They also serve beer and soda, and you can buy clever themed buttons and your very own pinball. (They have a delightful heft.)

Prefer a la carte? Consider Shorty’s, Add-a-Ball, John John’s, or one of the many solo machines scattered throughout the city.